Ever so carefully..
I counsel a young woman who presented several months ago with symptoms of insomnia and what she describes as panic 'attacks.' She is fearful of leaving her home. She takes medication before she comes to visit my office, precisely 1/2 of .5 mg. of Klonopin, a very low dose of antianxiety medication.
At her first visit, I indicated she should choose a chair (one of three), and she chose the one farthest from my desk. It's like talking across a great divide. If I move my office chair (the kind with rolling wheels), nearer to her, she fidgits until I return to my allotted space. I must be oh so careful. It is like approaching a feral cat. She is always poised to run.
She always seems frightened. If I raise my voice, she tightens up as if ready to spring. If I lower it, she inclines her head ever so slightly to hear but never asks me to raise it. In the beginning, she seemed so uncomfortable, I asked her if she would prefer a female therapist. 'No,' she said, eying me as if I were a snake ready to strike. 'You're sure?' I asked. She nodded her head. Frowned. Waited.
Week after week, I have tried to make a dent in her armour. If ever a man needed prayer as to the direction to take next, it is I. I have barely scratched the surface of her background and have no clue what has traumatized her so, be it father, stranger, old boyfriend, act of God or just bad karma.
She is a plain-looking woman although I suspect she could be attractive if she weren't so diligent in seeking mediocrity. Her only adornment is a small friendship ring on her right hand, one she twirls when anxious. She dresses in creams, beiges and browns.. always. Sensible shoes. Her only 'vantiy' is her long dark hair, shiny and neat. It is difficult sometimes to remember what her face looks like for she keeps her head down most of the time.
Until today, I doubted she had a sense of humor. Near the end of the session, she said 'you are something, Dr. Ph.D.' I was stunned. She actually cracked a joke (or was it an insult? .. I'm not sure yet), and she smiled. I felt like I had won the lottery, the smile stunned me so.
Whatever has frightened her, paralyzed her is in there somewhere, and I intend to find it and deal with it. We will deal with it. She rewarded my patience today. What a break through. :) Dr. Ph.D. will try another day. Never mind that she walked half way round my office to avoid getting near me when she left. She did give me a tiny wave goodbye.
Rom. 8:25 "But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."
posted by Johnny at
8:56 PM
6 Comments:
Hi John, checking out your site. Thanks for the link; I'll be more than happy to return the favor. :0)
About this woman, obviously you are more qualified to diagnose and handle this than I am. When you described how plain she appears- though you believe it could be otherwise if she chose- that struck a chord in me. As I posted recently on my blog, I was raped by a relative who lives locally and who tried to contact me years later, claiming that he was clean and sober, saying that he wanted to be a part of my life. I did exactly what this young woman seems to be doing. I put on weight, dressed badly, allowed my hair to hang in my face, wore glasses instead of contacts and almost never wore make-up. When I was like this, he would leave me alone. As soon as I lost the weight, wore contacts and make-up and nice clothes, he would start calling and showing up in public places he knew I would be. When I went back into "hiding," he would too.
I don't know if this is pertinent or adds any insight, but I do hope it helps. BTW, I was in therapy for years before I was able to do more than share bare facts about what happened, let alone my feelings. I went many years though before seeking help to cope, so perhaps it took longer to unlock and let go. I truly wish you the best of luck, for her sake as well as yours. You'll both be in my prayers!
By
Aravis, at 11:58 PM
Dear Aravis,
Thanks for your comments. I do not like the sound of the man who hounds you and hope you give him a wide berth, always. On the other hand, I am glad you found a therapist to help and I obviously hope to help my client for she is quite worth saving in her own right. Underneath it all, I believe she's delightful. If she turns out half as intelligent, thoughtful and kind as you, she will be one lucky lady and I will do myself 'proud.' :) I like your blog very much and hope we can be blogging buddies.
John
P.S. I am so sorry about Greta. :(
By
Johnny, at 3:38 AM
Thanks for all of your kind words. I appreciate them. :0)
One thing I forgot to mention was that it took me a long time to realize that I was hiding in that way. It may even have been my therapist who questioned me about it. I didn't know that I was trying to protect myself in that way.
As for my current situation with this person, I do keep contact to a minimum. I occasionally run into him during family functions, but I never go to those without my husband. I should note that after years of trying to find the courage, I finally stood up to him a little over a year ago, face to face. I called him on his behavior, and then I declared my boundaries and haven't let him cross them. And for the first time, I didn't put on weight and try to hide after seeing him. Progress.
There are few things darker than living in fear. I do hope you can help her find her light again, whatever caused the darkness.
By
Aravis, at 9:52 PM
I hope I can help her too. If she can stay with it, and the Lord is willing.... it is not easy to bare the soul, and, so far, I don't have a solid understanding of her sorrow.
By
Johnny, at 4:51 AM
I forgot to add that 'hiding' is a common defense mechanism. We all do it at some time or other, even if it is just a matter of staying in our 'comfort zone.' To have to do it out of fear, however, is a terrible thing. The man who tormented you, in my opinion, deserves to be horse whipped.
By
Johnny, at 8:05 AM
Be encouraged that she continues to keep her appointments, some people need more time than most are willing to give. She's lucky to have you.
By
Anonymous, at 12:52 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home