Not without hope...

Ten years ago, I was an atheist. My parents were atheists. I had never been inside a church, not even for a funeral. Then, I had a most unforgettable and wonderful experience and became a Christian, an 'epiphany' of sorts. Soon, I met and married a sweet little Christian gal, and I entered seminary so I could become a minister. Up until that time, I had studied for ten years to be a concert pianist. I was good. Life then certainly changed for me.

A couple years later, we found out my wife was pregnant. What happiness! It didn't last long, as her blood work came back with startling news. She had cancer, breast cancer at age 26 and she was four months along with the baby. It had already spread to other organs. Because of the baby, she refused radiation and chemotherapy. I was told it would have done no good, but I was frantic at the time. When my wife died, she was 6 1/2 months pregnant. At the moment of her death, they ripped her open and brought forth my son who weighed just above one pound, so small his whole body fit into my hand. 'Not much hope for him' the doctors said. No hope. What horrible words.

I became sort of crazy. I would sit with my son, then go to the chapel and pray and then rush to the funeral home to be with Maria. No more did I get to one place than I wanted fiercely to be at the other. Back and forth. The day came when they placed Maria in the ground, and the darkness over me was undescribable. I went back to the hospital and looked at my son, hours on end, days on end. I was way past saying 'please God.' Way past.

Against all odds, however, my son began to gain weight. He had no hair, no eye lashes, no finger nails. Dad said he looked like a little abandoned bird in his nest and started calling him Peeps We still call him Peeps although my parents died a couple years ago. My son is my only living blood relative. He is strong, healthy, tall and quite handsome. Here is Peeps being admired by the neighbors. :)

During all that, it never occurred to me to blame God for my tragedies. In fact, had I not had God to talk to, I might have gone insane. I never felt without hope, never. Had my son died, I still would have felt hope, hope that I would see him again in heaven, that he would see his mother for the first time, that she would get to hold her only child in her arms.

Scoffers and unbelievers say 'you believe in a myth.' If so, it's a beautiful story. 'Your bible is nothing but a story book.' If so, what a beautiful story. John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." That's a story that brings hope.

While mucking around with the atheists on the unmentionable forum, I noticed what I used to be.... men without hope. No hope for eternal life, no heaven, no reunification with loved ones, nothing to look forward to but a cold, muddy grave. I saw no joy there for the future, no compassion, not even for each other, nothing but cynicism, ridicule, lots of that, ugliness and pettiness and a lot of filthy talk. I wouldn't trade my hope for salvation and eternity with the Lord for all their money combined and the intelligence they think they have. Because they can't see with their eyes and they can't bring God down to their intellectual level, they say he doesn't exist. So be it. We all have a choice to make. If I am wrong, I will die ignorant but happy with hope in my heart. If they are wrong.... well, really I hate to think about that. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemeies, and I am very angry with them for the wretched treatment they gave my wife.

Ephesians 2:12 says "That at that time ye were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope, and without God in the world." That was me ten years ago. Praise God, I am no longer a man without hope. I hope for you the same joy ... Romans 15:13
"Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." You laugh and don't want it? How sad.