Joy Stealers
My wife, bless her heart, has very tender feelings. She cares what people think, and I'm glad of this for one who does not care is a cold fish indeed. Sometimes, though, people hurt her feelings intentionally, and she suffers, and we have been discussing ways for her to deal with these folks. I call them 'joy stealers.' Have you ever had a wonderful day or something great happened and someone came along and rained on your parade, just for the hell of it? Sure you have. You met a joy stealer.
Oliver Wendall Holmes, Jr. was a U.S. Supreme Court justice for 30 years. Because of his mind, wit and work, he was tagged with the unofficial title of "the greatest justice since John Marshall." At one point in his life, Justice Holmes was asked concerning how he came about his choice of a career, to which he replied:
"Well, I might have entered the ministry - if certain clergymen I knew had not looked and acted so much like undertakers!"
Apparently he met some joy-stealing preachers. :)
Some people or things that will steal the joy right out of you are:
1) People! .. particularly jealous, mean-spirited, vindictive or just plain mean people. They are the easiest to defeat. If you cannot persuade them, after reasonable efforts to be more kindly, ignore them, run from them but pray for them. Do NOT stick around for their abuse. If you are not the assertive type, you may not be able to do 'tit for tat' and that's not always good anyway although I find it most difficult to refrain myself.
2) Legalism. I'm not talking just about religious legalism but anything or anyone that emphasizes and stresses ritual and form over spirituality and substance, cares more for things or even laws than God's children, people.
3) Having an unhealthy attachment to our past. If you're tied up with the 'bad old days' or even the 'good old days,' you are not using the present as you should and perhaps not planning your future well either. Some have had horrific pasts, abuse and accidents and illnesses, things that no one should have to suffer. Yet, we must let go to have a healthy life or deal with it constructively and sanely. My friend, Iva, had the more abusive childhood of anyone I ever met, and I've counseled many people. One of the things she does so well is write stories about it which puts it into perspective and allows emotional outlet of grief and sadness without poisoning her current life. She can tell a horrific tale because she lived it, but she is full of joy, fun and laughter in person, a delight to know.
What in your past do you need God to help you “burn and bury” so that it can be behind you, done with and settled in heaven and on earth, so you can experience joy today? Do you need to discuss it or pray with someone about it? If so, email me.
4) Self absorption. It puts us on the wrong side of the cross. It is not easy to have a Christ centered life, but it should be one of our main goals.
5) Unresolved interpersonal conflicts. Spouses, families, church bodies.. we all should get along (or get out, if we can't get along). When we don't, we allow our own joy to be depleted and certainly we may steal joy from others.
Disagreements and contention, hurts from ones we love, disappointments and broken promises, outright attacks, neglect, abuse, and unforgiveness (on your part and theirs)... these things cannot be allowed to 'fester.' If they do, the joy will be sucked out of you like air from a baloon, and you might then suck the joy out of the lives of those around you.
Blessings! Jude 1:24 "Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy..."
Oliver Wendall Holmes, Jr. was a U.S. Supreme Court justice for 30 years. Because of his mind, wit and work, he was tagged with the unofficial title of "the greatest justice since John Marshall." At one point in his life, Justice Holmes was asked concerning how he came about his choice of a career, to which he replied:
"Well, I might have entered the ministry - if certain clergymen I knew had not looked and acted so much like undertakers!"
Apparently he met some joy-stealing preachers. :)
Some people or things that will steal the joy right out of you are:
1) People! .. particularly jealous, mean-spirited, vindictive or just plain mean people. They are the easiest to defeat. If you cannot persuade them, after reasonable efforts to be more kindly, ignore them, run from them but pray for them. Do NOT stick around for their abuse. If you are not the assertive type, you may not be able to do 'tit for tat' and that's not always good anyway although I find it most difficult to refrain myself.
2) Legalism. I'm not talking just about religious legalism but anything or anyone that emphasizes and stresses ritual and form over spirituality and substance, cares more for things or even laws than God's children, people.
3) Having an unhealthy attachment to our past. If you're tied up with the 'bad old days' or even the 'good old days,' you are not using the present as you should and perhaps not planning your future well either. Some have had horrific pasts, abuse and accidents and illnesses, things that no one should have to suffer. Yet, we must let go to have a healthy life or deal with it constructively and sanely. My friend, Iva, had the more abusive childhood of anyone I ever met, and I've counseled many people. One of the things she does so well is write stories about it which puts it into perspective and allows emotional outlet of grief and sadness without poisoning her current life. She can tell a horrific tale because she lived it, but she is full of joy, fun and laughter in person, a delight to know.
What in your past do you need God to help you “burn and bury” so that it can be behind you, done with and settled in heaven and on earth, so you can experience joy today? Do you need to discuss it or pray with someone about it? If so, email me.
4) Self absorption. It puts us on the wrong side of the cross. It is not easy to have a Christ centered life, but it should be one of our main goals.
5) Unresolved interpersonal conflicts. Spouses, families, church bodies.. we all should get along (or get out, if we can't get along). When we don't, we allow our own joy to be depleted and certainly we may steal joy from others.
Disagreements and contention, hurts from ones we love, disappointments and broken promises, outright attacks, neglect, abuse, and unforgiveness (on your part and theirs)... these things cannot be allowed to 'fester.' If they do, the joy will be sucked out of you like air from a baloon, and you might then suck the joy out of the lives of those around you.
Blessings! Jude 1:24 "Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy..."
posted by Johnny at
3:57 PM
8 Comments:
Thank you, Pam, I'll tell her. Did you read her blog recently. Iva asked her to post some photos, which she did, just still shots taken hastily and scanned. An anonymous poster said something to the effect of why didn't she post something with warmth, maybe about the kids. She may not have meant to be critical, but she was and it spoiled the post and comments for Caro, hurt her feelings. The photos were not supposed to depict our family life and certainly don't 'replicate' our family life in any way. Just still photos of empty rooms.
Tender-hearted people can get hurt by such off-the-cuff comments, that's assuming the poster didn't intend to be hurtful .. maybe, maybe not.
By
Johnny, at 10:05 PM
What do you mean exactly, being on the 'wrong side of the cross?'
Lulu
By
Anonymous, at 10:06 PM
An excellent. helpful and well balanced post Johnny! It really ministered to me, then again, all your posts do!
GBAY
By
John, at 10:34 PM
Great post Johnny. Unfortunately we live in a world full of hurting people and you prob know this quote already "hurting people hurt other people" and its important to be around people that will lift you up, encourage and refresh you.
By
Jeannie, at 4:48 AM
Thank you John. :)
Lulu, I guess 'on the wrong side of the cross' is 'in house' lingo. :) We often talk of either being a friend of the cross or enemy of the cross. We either believe and stand for Jesus or we don't. If you're on the 'right side' of the cross, you will attempt to emulate Christ's life, have a Christ-centered life.
By
Johnny, at 10:38 AM
I agree Jeannie that hurting people often unintentionally hurt others. Then some people are just mean from the 'get go.' :) I don't handle anyone hurting my family all that well, eh?
By
Johnny, at 10:40 AM
Gingerly. Since he's your husband, you must have realized he was easily hurt/offended before now. My advice would be to 'go to the mat' over only very important things or somehow make him think he thought of it first. :) and good luck!
By
Johnny, at 10:05 PM
I don't think I ever received a promotion, an award or anything when I worked for SSA that someone didn't try to spoil the event. It seems to be part of many peoples' natures.
And have you ever noticed that people will try to find any nefarious reason why you succeeded except that you were good? lol At SSA, when I was a superviosr, the unit's 'statistics' were posted each week... claims in, out, errors made, etc. It was how we were ranked. My unit won 50 out of 52 weeks the last year I was there. One of my 'peers,' another supervisor said that I did their work for them, didn't delegate. lol I'm good but not that good. I can't do the work of 27 claims representatives. :) I waited til I got home and shared the news with the one who really loved me, my daughter. We must look for love in all the right places. :)
I'm with you. I don't let people steal my joy. Not enough going around to do that. I don't think Caro is overly sensitive. She's very aware of people and how they think.. in other words, realistic. It still hurts though.
By
Anonymous, at 9:33 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home