Misery loves company?

It's true, some people are addicted to misery.

One of my patients joined Weight Watchers and lost 98 lbs. She looks fantastic, and this was quite an accomplishment. She should be very proud of herself. Instead, she complains that her body parts are not right now, 'ruined' she says. I suggest if she is unhappy still to get a tummy tuck or whatever it takes. 'Too expensive' she says and 'nothing will restore me to what I used to be' (a teenager?). She figures she might as well eat what she wants for she can't have the perfection she wants. This woman is sabotaging herself. She can't accept happiness and apparently wants to return to her former miserable state when she literally was hating herself to death.

There are signs of being addicted to misery or being one who sabotages one's self. Do you see yourself in any of these behaviors?

Do you ever know you should start on a project but don't?
Do you have projects that you have started but never finished?
Do you ever say the one wrong thing at the wrong time?
Have you ever had things going well in life only to have everything blow up in a day?
Have you tried to be so careful not to make a mistake that you were shocked when you made a truly costly one?
Have you ever promised yourself to stay out of trouble in some way only to find yourself in the same trouble or worse again?
Have you ever gone to a matchmaking service to find a relationship but lied about yourself.. your looks, age or abilities?
Do you get online and act in a totally different way than you really are, a 'fake' personna?


Are you 'guilty' of...
taking on too much
finding it hard to say no
procrastination
perfectionism
seeking approval from others
finding it hard to make decisions
needing to control everything
needlessly apologising

If you have too many of those in your pocket, you are in trouble. What to do?

First, be honest with yourself. Take a good, hard look at your life, what is right, what is wrong and what you'd like to fix. Second, find someone else and be honest with them. Tell them exactly how it is, don't hedge, be totally honest and ask for help. It doesn't have to be a professional, but it wouldn't hurt either. Then take the steps to claim some happiness. The first step might be to determine why you fear happiness. Do you feel you have to have a jinx? That if you have too much happiness, something just awful will happen to you. Are you one to laugh at yourself first even though you feel like crying?

You don't have to be miserable you know. It's not a genetic mental illness; it's a life style, and life styles can be changed.