Monkey see, monkey do...

Monkey see, monkey do... that's a phrase with which most of us are familiar. Some people call those we emulate 'role models.' There is no more important time to have good role models than in childhood.

In their early years, children imitate their parents or parent substitute figures. They quickly pick up their mannerisms, the way they walk, talk, etc. However, they also pick up 'bad' or inappropriate behaviors.

When we were kids, my friend, Matt, used to 'smoke' candy cigarettes. He would 'puff' them and hold them the same way he saw his father do the real things. As a teen, he started smoking the real things, and it was a difficult habit for him to break when he became a Christian. His father, in that instance, had been a poor role model.

I have known families where one or the other (sometimes both) the parents 'cheat,' that is, are unfaithful sexually to the mate. Children learn from this behavior that love is not trustworthy so is it any wonder a child may grown up unable to commit to another or unable to trust another or has a disrespect for their mate, resentment, even hatred.

There are many ways to be bad role models. I remember a family where every adult in the family was on some kind of public assistance, i.e., social security, SSI, unemployment, workmen's compensation. All their lives, they had been in homes where the parents had done the same thing. They learned early that one didn't always have to work for a living. I realize that some people really do need these benefits, but some don't. Some start applying at age 30 and it may take ten years to finally 'get' it. Some use an accident that injures one limb to get get benefits and never get educated to do a job that could be done without the use of that limb. A neighbor of my dad's used to help people get their benefits. He called himself a 'pettifogger,' one who helps scam the system.

[Pettifogger: 1 : a lawyer whose methods are petty, underhanded, or disreputable : SHYSTER]

If a person's physical ailments weren't that bad, he would coach them in mental illnesses, the symptoms, etc. Also, he would have them claim physical ailments difficult to disprove, i.e., headaches, back pain, muscle aches, etc. Often, the person would get the benefits based upon a 'combination' of illnesses. In the mental illness cases, after a while, he would send them to the local mental health clinic where they would practice their newfound symptoms and establish a public record of mental illness, and so it began. After they were 'crazy' long enough, they would win the coveted prize, a disability check. This sounds cynical, but it is true. People do these things. They give a 'bad name' to those truly deserving of help. What did this neighbor get? A percentage of the 'back pay.'

My father used to lease housing to many of these people. He called them 'tenants on the dole.' Sometimes, eight to ten SSI recipients would live in the same apartment. He would cash their checks for them, withholding the rent money. They made a killing... ten people x $517 a month (at the time) .. lots of money left over for beer and such.... lots of such.

Parents who are irresponsible, who malinger often raise malingering children. Children can be taught to NOT want to work as much as the reverse... by example.

Irresponsible parents can do much damage to their children. Children of untreated alcoholics, drug addicts, children of parents who 'act out' in rage or 'fainting' or other behaviors that get that out of their duties and responsibilities as parents teach their kids things they never imagined. If Susie sees Mommy lay in bed drunk or depressed, and the neighbors come by and feed them and clean house learn.... 'hmmmmm, if I don't want to clean my house or take care of the babies, I'll just do what Mommy did. Worked for her' They may not say the actual words, but they do the actual deeds for they have subconscious memories of the behaviors. If Bobby sees Daddy hit Mommy and get by with it, he later may do the same. 'I'll teach her a thing or two...' It's true the acorn does not fall far from the tree. Of couse, some kids do the opposite with much bitterness and resentment in their hearts toward the poor role models of parents. Either way, there is a damaged kid.

One can think of other examples, the mother who pops a pill or takes a drink at every 'calamity' sends a message to her kids... it says 'I can't cope without it.' Later, she wonders why her kids can't cope without it. A dad who's never home, works late (or something) all the time sends the message 'you kids aren't important enough to me to even come home.' When he gets older and could use some companionship from the kids, guess who doesn't care enough then?

Philippians 3:17 says "Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample (example)"

There are usually two kinds of professing Christians --those who imitate the Saviour, and those who are worldly and vain and irresponsible. Our religion takes its form and complexion much from those with whom we associate; and he will usually be the most holy man who associates with the most holy companions. The most 'whole' parents bring up the most 'whole' children. It just makes sense.

Something to think about... we are responsible for the people over whom we have influence, especially our children and we will be held accountable for our actions, or lack of them. That's a sobering thought, isn't it? I think about it a lor for I am responsible for those in my 'flock' and those in my practice. We are responsible to set the best example of godly living we possibly can. We are not responsible for their behavior; they still have a free will to choose to follow our example or not. But if we do not give them the role model we should, we will be held accountable to God for our failure to be a good example. No amount of justification or rationalization excuses us from our responsibilities to be good role models. It's not correct to say 'I couldn't help it.' 99.9% of the time, one can 'help it.'


Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time.

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A fornlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again. -- Henry W. Longfellow

We need to check those foot prints once in a while.