Lying lips, loose tongues..
This is just some of my thinking tonight on lies and liars who tell them. Who lies? We all do at one time or another, don't we, be it the wicked lie, the 'altruistic lie,' the 'spin,' the artful deception, or just plain cheating. If in no other way, we lie by omission. 1 John 2:4 says 'He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.' Who has kept all His commandments? Most of us don't even know all his commandments.
Probably where most lies are told are in relationships, especially in the beginning of a romantic relationship
From 'Who's Cheating Who' - Alan Jackson
Everywhere you look
You can write a book
On the trouble with a woman and a man
But you can not impose
You cant stick your nose
Into somethin that ya dont understand
Chorus
But still you wonder
Who's cheatin who
Whos bein true
And who dont even care anymore
It makes you wonder
Whos doin right with someone tonight
And whose car is parked next door
I thought I knew her well
I really couldnt tell
That she had another lover on her mind
You see, It felt so right
When she held me tight
How could I be so blind
A heart is on the line
Each and every time
Love is stolen in the shadows of the night
Though its wrong all along
It keeps goin on
As long as they keep it out of sight
Men will wear foot 'lifts' to look taller, spray on stuff to make it look as if they have more hair; women wear face 'enhancing' makeup, high heels, padded bras, all in the hopes of attracting him. :) Those are what I call the 'artful' lies. There is some scientific evidence that supports some forms of lying as socially 'inbred' and socially acceptable.
In Peterson’s Australian study, Deception in intimate relationships, it was found that couples closely involved tell predominantly insignificant lies to one another. It was also found that subjects, who reported telling such lies, did so as a means of conflict avoidance. Also, in DePaulo and Kashy’s study, Everyday lies in close and casual relationships, it is noted that we tell fewer lies to those we find closest to us and of those lies that are told, the majority of them are altruistic in nature rather than self-serving. Not only were fewer lies told, but subjects also felt more uncomfortable about the prospect of telling untruths to those with whom subjects were more intimate. In conclusion, in our relationships, we are more likely to tell altruistic, “white lies” to those closest to us rather than blatant lies with increased discomfort in the process, generally in an attempt to maintain satisfaction and harmony in the relationship.
Is a deception to hide the truth of our appearance a 'real' lie. Samuel Johnson said .. "A man would rather have a hundred lies told of him than one truth which he does not wish should be known." If it's painful to be seen as short or unattractive, is it a lie to try to hide it?
Some interesting studies have been done about lying, the frequency of lying, who lies, etc.
One good example was a study conducted in 2002 by psychologist Robert S. Feldman of the University of Massachusetts, Amherst. Feldman secretly videotaped students who were asked to talk with a stranger. He later had the students analyze their tapes and tally the number of lies they had told. A whopping 60 percent admitted to lying at least once during 10 minutes of conversation, and the group averaged 2.9 untruths in that time period. The transgressions ranged from intentional exaggeration to flat-out fibs. Interestingly, men and women lied with equal frequency; however, Feldman found that women were more likely to lie to make the stranger feel good, whereas men lied most often to make themselves look better. (why am I not surprised? :)
In another study a decade earlier by David Knox and Caroline Schacht, both now at East Carolina University, 92 percent of college students confessed that they had lied to a current or previous sexual partner, which left the husband-and-wife research team wondering whether the remaining 8 percent were lying. And whereas it has long been known that men are prone to lie about the number of their sexual conquests, recent research shows that women tend to underrepresent their degree of sexual experience. When asked to fill out questionnaires on personal sexual behavior and attitudes, women wired to a dummy polygraph machine reported having had twice as many lovers as those who were not, showing that the women who were not wired were less honest. It's all too ironic that the investigators had to deceive subjects to get them to tell the truth about their lies. To me, this is a frightening study since young people go out to find a mate or 'hook up' and one would hope not to be lied to, eh?
"You don't tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive." --Margaret Thatcher.
Why do we do it, why do we lie? Because it works.
As humans, we must fit into a close-knit social system to succeed, yet our primary aim is still to look out for ourselves above all others. Lying helps. And lying to ourselves helps us accept our fraudulent behavior.
Not only humans 'lie' to get ahead. The mirror orchid, for example, displays beautiful blue blossoms that are dead ringers for female wasps. The flower also manufactures a chemical cocktail that simulates the pheromones released by females to attract mates. These visual and olfactory cues keep hapless male wasps on the flower long enough to ensure that a hefty load of pollen is clinging to their bodies by the time they fly off to try their luck with another orchid in disguise.
The best deceivers continue to reap advantages denied to their more honest or less competent peers. Lying helps us facilitate social interactions, manipulate others and make friends.
The biggest lies ever told are those told to the self, unknowingly. Self-deception took root in the human mind as a tool for social manipulation. Self-deception helps us ensnare other people more effectively. It enables us to lie sincerely, to lie without knowing that we are lying. There is no longer any need to put on an act, to pretend that we are telling the truth. Indeed, a self-deceived person is actually telling the truth to the best of his or her knowledge, and believing one's own story makes it all the more persuasive.
Here are some of the greatest lies ever told.. have you told any of them?
Some of the biggest lies ever told...
The check is in the mail.
I'll respect you in the morning.
I'm from your government, and I am here to help you.
It's only a cold sore.
You get this one, I'll pay next time.
My wife doesn't understand me.
Trust me, I'll take care of everything.
Of course I love you.
I am getting a divorce.
Drinking? Why, no, Officer.
I never inhaled.
It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.
I never watch television except for PBS.
..but we can still be good friends.
She means nothing to me.
Dont worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "empty."
I gave at the office.
Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.
I'll call you later.
We'll release the upgrade by the end of the year.
Read my lips: no new taxes
I've never done anything like this before
Now, I'm going to tell you the truth
It's supposed to make that noise.
I *love* your new (hat/haircut/dress/suit...)!
..then take a left. You can't miss it.
Yes, I did.
Don't worry, it's OK -- I'm sterile.
Some final words, not mine, to consider...
"The important thing is to stop lying to yourself. A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself as well as for others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love and, in order to divert himself, having no love in him he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest forms of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal, in satisfying his vices. And it all comes from lying- lying to others and to yourself." --Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov.
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." - Aldous Huxley.
"The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else." --Author: George Bernard Shaw
Ephesians 4:25 "Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another."
Probably where most lies are told are in relationships, especially in the beginning of a romantic relationship
From 'Who's Cheating Who' - Alan Jackson
Everywhere you look
You can write a book
On the trouble with a woman and a man
But you can not impose
You cant stick your nose
Into somethin that ya dont understand
Chorus
But still you wonder
Who's cheatin who
Whos bein true
And who dont even care anymore
It makes you wonder
Whos doin right with someone tonight
And whose car is parked next door
I thought I knew her well
I really couldnt tell
That she had another lover on her mind
You see, It felt so right
When she held me tight
How could I be so blind
A heart is on the line
Each and every time
Love is stolen in the shadows of the night
Though its wrong all along
It keeps goin on
As long as they keep it out of sight
Men will wear foot 'lifts' to look taller, spray on stuff to make it look as if they have more hair; women wear face 'enhancing' makeup, high heels, padded bras, all in the hopes of attracting him. :) Those are what I call the 'artful' lies. There is some scientific evidence that supports some forms of lying as socially 'inbred' and socially acceptable.
In Peterson’s Australian study, Deception in intimate relationships, it was found that couples closely involved tell predominantly insignificant lies to one another. It was also found that subjects, who reported telling such lies, did so as a means of conflict avoidance. Also, in DePaulo and Kashy’s study, Everyday lies in close and casual relationships, it is noted that we tell fewer lies to those we find closest to us and of those lies that are told, the majority of them are altruistic in nature rather than self-serving. Not only were fewer lies told, but subjects also felt more uncomfortable about the prospect of telling untruths to those with whom subjects were more intimate. In conclusion, in our relationships, we are more likely to tell altruistic, “white lies” to those closest to us rather than blatant lies with increased discomfort in the process, generally in an attempt to maintain satisfaction and harmony in the relationship.
Is a deception to hide the truth of our appearance a 'real' lie. Samuel Johnson said .. "A man would rather have a hundred lies told of him than one truth which he does not wish should be known." If it's painful to be seen as short or unattractive, is it a lie to try to hide it?
Some interesting studies have been done about lying, the frequency of lying, who lies, etc.
One good example was a study conducted in 2002 by psychologist Robert S. Feldman of the University of Massachusetts, Amherst. Feldman secretly videotaped students who were asked to talk with a stranger. He later had the students analyze their tapes and tally the number of lies they had told. A whopping 60 percent admitted to lying at least once during 10 minutes of conversation, and the group averaged 2.9 untruths in that time period. The transgressions ranged from intentional exaggeration to flat-out fibs. Interestingly, men and women lied with equal frequency; however, Feldman found that women were more likely to lie to make the stranger feel good, whereas men lied most often to make themselves look better. (why am I not surprised? :)
In another study a decade earlier by David Knox and Caroline Schacht, both now at East Carolina University, 92 percent of college students confessed that they had lied to a current or previous sexual partner, which left the husband-and-wife research team wondering whether the remaining 8 percent were lying. And whereas it has long been known that men are prone to lie about the number of their sexual conquests, recent research shows that women tend to underrepresent their degree of sexual experience. When asked to fill out questionnaires on personal sexual behavior and attitudes, women wired to a dummy polygraph machine reported having had twice as many lovers as those who were not, showing that the women who were not wired were less honest. It's all too ironic that the investigators had to deceive subjects to get them to tell the truth about their lies. To me, this is a frightening study since young people go out to find a mate or 'hook up' and one would hope not to be lied to, eh?
"You don't tell deliberate lies, but sometimes you have to be evasive." --Margaret Thatcher.
Why do we do it, why do we lie? Because it works.
As humans, we must fit into a close-knit social system to succeed, yet our primary aim is still to look out for ourselves above all others. Lying helps. And lying to ourselves helps us accept our fraudulent behavior.
Not only humans 'lie' to get ahead. The mirror orchid, for example, displays beautiful blue blossoms that are dead ringers for female wasps. The flower also manufactures a chemical cocktail that simulates the pheromones released by females to attract mates. These visual and olfactory cues keep hapless male wasps on the flower long enough to ensure that a hefty load of pollen is clinging to their bodies by the time they fly off to try their luck with another orchid in disguise.
The best deceivers continue to reap advantages denied to their more honest or less competent peers. Lying helps us facilitate social interactions, manipulate others and make friends.
The biggest lies ever told are those told to the self, unknowingly. Self-deception took root in the human mind as a tool for social manipulation. Self-deception helps us ensnare other people more effectively. It enables us to lie sincerely, to lie without knowing that we are lying. There is no longer any need to put on an act, to pretend that we are telling the truth. Indeed, a self-deceived person is actually telling the truth to the best of his or her knowledge, and believing one's own story makes it all the more persuasive.
Here are some of the greatest lies ever told.. have you told any of them?
Some of the biggest lies ever told...
The check is in the mail.
I'll respect you in the morning.
I'm from your government, and I am here to help you.
It's only a cold sore.
You get this one, I'll pay next time.
My wife doesn't understand me.
Trust me, I'll take care of everything.
Of course I love you.
I am getting a divorce.
Drinking? Why, no, Officer.
I never inhaled.
It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.
I never watch television except for PBS.
..but we can still be good friends.
She means nothing to me.
Dont worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "empty."
I gave at the office.
Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.
I'll call you later.
We'll release the upgrade by the end of the year.
Read my lips: no new taxes
I've never done anything like this before
Now, I'm going to tell you the truth
It's supposed to make that noise.
I *love* your new (hat/haircut/dress/suit...)!
..then take a left. You can't miss it.
Yes, I did.
Don't worry, it's OK -- I'm sterile.
Some final words, not mine, to consider...
"The important thing is to stop lying to yourself. A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes unable to recognize truth, either in himself or in anyone else, and he ends up losing respect for himself as well as for others. When he has no respect for anyone, he can no longer love and, in order to divert himself, having no love in him he yields to his impulses, indulges in the lowest forms of pleasure, and behaves in the end like an animal, in satisfying his vices. And it all comes from lying- lying to others and to yourself." --Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov.
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." - Aldous Huxley.
"The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else." --Author: George Bernard Shaw
Ephesians 4:25 "Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another."
posted by Johnny at
9:58 PM
6 Comments:
It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing
haha
So do you think we are self deceive? Does this improve after one becomes a Christian. If we are self deceived, how would we know? Is the 'artful lie' a sin?
By
Charles, at 5:39 AM
Read my lips: no new taxes.
Now that was funny....
You know, I've never been good at self-deception. I've tried, boy have I tried, but it always seem to fail in the end. I guess it's because I have an always "tell the truth" policy. Of course, I can never seem to always abide by that policy. And I hate lies - you tell one lie and then you have to tell another lie and the lies just keep piling up. Too much to deal with... And I think the truth hurts us more when we continously lie to ourselves. Just my two cents...
By
Cosmic, at 12:03 PM
Yes, lies lead to cynicism and distrust, distrust of yourself, others and God.
By
Johnny, at 4:17 PM
Charles, I do not believe the artful lie is a sin really. Some believe we should put our best 'foot' or face forward. :)
After one becomes a Christian, one should strive to be more Christ like so one should try to avoid lying and deception, and I believe we do as we mature.
By
Johnny, at 7:58 PM
What an interesting article Johnny.
In all societies, social sanctions are forced onto members who do not conform to those things considered to be the norm. It's not a wonder that people lie or are evasive to some degree.
John's post;
"The biggest lies ever told are those told to the self, unknowingly. Self-deception took root in the human mind as a tool for social manipulation. Self-deception helps us ensnare other people more effectively. It enables us to lie sincerely, to lie without knowing that we are lying. There is no longer any need to put on an act, to pretend that we are telling the truth. Indeed, a self-deceived person is actually telling the truth to the best of his or her knowledge, and believing one's own story makes it all the more persuasive."
What does this mean exactly, can you give us an example?
Di
By
Anonymous, at 4:13 AM
Di, one example I can think of is the abusive husband who has sold himself a story that he is being protective of his family and doing it all for their own good when he is, in fact, being controlling and/or overtly abusive.
That's an extreme example. A milder example might be the pernicious flirt. He flirts with every woman he sees outrageously. Others see through him, even the ladies, but he has told himself so long that he is charming and that he is a gourmet of people, and he believes it all so can lie to them sincerely.
By
Johnny, at 5:18 PM
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