That unreasonable fear...
"What are fears but voices airy?
Whispering harm where harm is not.
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal bolt is shot!"
---- Wordsworth
We all have fear(s) from time to time, completely normal. What is not normal is 'unreasonable' fear. As in the above quote, 'whispering harm where harm is not.'
In my practice, I would estimate that we deal with fear of some kind in 90% of the sessions, maybe more. A man fears competition, fears losing his job. A woman fears her husband is cheating on her, will leave her. Another fears getting fat so much that she is destroying her health by binging/purging. Let's see.. what else. Fear of public speaking, of step children, of in laws, of storms, spiders, rats, bugs and other critters, of the law, of IRS, of alcohol, of drugs; fear of bodily harm from a boyfriend, a parent, a spouse, a stranger; fear of doomsday scenarios, i.e., asteroids, floods, tornados, hurricanes, tsunamis, viruses, cloned monsters, genetic engineering gone amuk; fear of hell, other Christians, Muslims, satanism, demons, powers that be, witches, warlocks; fear of spells, curses, jinxes, bad karma, fate, zombies, werewolves, vampires and other creatures of the night. I kid you not. I have discussed all these with my patients (and some of my friends) and more.
So, the first thing is to separate the reasonable fear from the unreasonable fear. Let's take Caro's fear while I was gone this past weekend. Now I admit I enjoy being missed for I take my role as protector very seriously, and I just like to know she's thinking of me when I'm gone. Still, a small part of her fear was unreasonable. While there certainly is crime in Boulder, CO, really not much more than in Des Moines, IA and she doesn't get panicky when I go to work. And, frankly, I've never heard of a minister getting killed at a gospel concert, but it could have happened. :) If I were the Elmer Gantry type and visited 'night spots' after hours, I guess I could have been mugged and killed. I'm not the type. I was no more likely to have a driving accident than usual. In effect, she shouldn't have worried much more while I was in Boulder than she does when I'm home. As she said, it might have been that she was worried that something would happen to me and she would not be there.. a whole 'nother' problem, eh? Separation anxiety which is not unreasonable fear at all, but for another post. It does make me think of this quote by Bardot: "Solitude scares me. It makes me think about love, death, and war. I need distraction from anxious, black thoughts." Perhaps Caro doesn't have enough distractions when Johnny is gone. :)
What does unreasonable fear, especially carried as a load never laid down, do to one?
If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all his thinking, damages his personality, makes him landlord to a ghost. -- Lloyd Cassel Douglas
Exactly, a ghost of the self. One cannot be open, free, joyous when fearful 24/7. Just can't be done. Fear, along with some other intense emotions, takes up all expendable energy. Unchecked, it wreaks havoc on the body.. blood pressure, sleep habits, and more. Over time, it breaks the body down literally. One cannot be on a fear/adrenaline high 24/7 and be healthy. We must come down to rest. Very fearful people don't rest well either.
"Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake."
---- Edgar Wallace - The Clue of the Twisted Candle (1916)
"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is."
---- German Proverb
So what do we do about unreasonable fear? You look it in the face. You declare to 'it' and to yourself that it will not control your life. You change your patterns if you can, seek professional help if you cannot. Your life depends upon it. Prayer is very good. Support from others who have 'beat' the monkey is good too.
"What do you fear, Lady?"
"A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire." ~Aragorn & Eowyn
It is a jungle out there, but we do not have to live in a cage. No, there is a way out. All you have to do is whittle away at it. If you have faith, you're ahead of the game for you can ask God for help.
2Tim 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Whispering harm where harm is not.
And deluding the unwary
Till the fatal bolt is shot!"
---- Wordsworth
We all have fear(s) from time to time, completely normal. What is not normal is 'unreasonable' fear. As in the above quote, 'whispering harm where harm is not.'
In my practice, I would estimate that we deal with fear of some kind in 90% of the sessions, maybe more. A man fears competition, fears losing his job. A woman fears her husband is cheating on her, will leave her. Another fears getting fat so much that she is destroying her health by binging/purging. Let's see.. what else. Fear of public speaking, of step children, of in laws, of storms, spiders, rats, bugs and other critters, of the law, of IRS, of alcohol, of drugs; fear of bodily harm from a boyfriend, a parent, a spouse, a stranger; fear of doomsday scenarios, i.e., asteroids, floods, tornados, hurricanes, tsunamis, viruses, cloned monsters, genetic engineering gone amuk; fear of hell, other Christians, Muslims, satanism, demons, powers that be, witches, warlocks; fear of spells, curses, jinxes, bad karma, fate, zombies, werewolves, vampires and other creatures of the night. I kid you not. I have discussed all these with my patients (and some of my friends) and more.
So, the first thing is to separate the reasonable fear from the unreasonable fear. Let's take Caro's fear while I was gone this past weekend. Now I admit I enjoy being missed for I take my role as protector very seriously, and I just like to know she's thinking of me when I'm gone. Still, a small part of her fear was unreasonable. While there certainly is crime in Boulder, CO, really not much more than in Des Moines, IA and she doesn't get panicky when I go to work. And, frankly, I've never heard of a minister getting killed at a gospel concert, but it could have happened. :) If I were the Elmer Gantry type and visited 'night spots' after hours, I guess I could have been mugged and killed. I'm not the type. I was no more likely to have a driving accident than usual. In effect, she shouldn't have worried much more while I was in Boulder than she does when I'm home. As she said, it might have been that she was worried that something would happen to me and she would not be there.. a whole 'nother' problem, eh? Separation anxiety which is not unreasonable fear at all, but for another post. It does make me think of this quote by Bardot: "Solitude scares me. It makes me think about love, death, and war. I need distraction from anxious, black thoughts." Perhaps Caro doesn't have enough distractions when Johnny is gone. :)
What does unreasonable fear, especially carried as a load never laid down, do to one?
If a man harbors any sort of fear, it percolates through all his thinking, damages his personality, makes him landlord to a ghost. -- Lloyd Cassel Douglas
Exactly, a ghost of the self. One cannot be open, free, joyous when fearful 24/7. Just can't be done. Fear, along with some other intense emotions, takes up all expendable energy. Unchecked, it wreaks havoc on the body.. blood pressure, sleep habits, and more. Over time, it breaks the body down literally. One cannot be on a fear/adrenaline high 24/7 and be healthy. We must come down to rest. Very fearful people don't rest well either.
"Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake."
---- Edgar Wallace - The Clue of the Twisted Candle (1916)
"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is."
---- German Proverb
So what do we do about unreasonable fear? You look it in the face. You declare to 'it' and to yourself that it will not control your life. You change your patterns if you can, seek professional help if you cannot. Your life depends upon it. Prayer is very good. Support from others who have 'beat' the monkey is good too.
"What do you fear, Lady?"
"A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire." ~Aragorn & Eowyn
It is a jungle out there, but we do not have to live in a cage. No, there is a way out. All you have to do is whittle away at it. If you have faith, you're ahead of the game for you can ask God for help.2Tim 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
posted by Johnny at
4:01 PM
7 Comments:
They cost about the same, Iva. lol
Rita
By
Anonymous, at 11:06 PM
A good way to get the measure of a man (or a woman) is who or what they hate or fear.
Carl
By
Anonymous, at 11:41 AM
Johnny, how does one know if a fear is reasonable or unreasonable. Some unreasonable fears feel reasonable, right? What's the saying, 'just because you're paranoid doesn't mean no one is out to get you?' lol
Rita
By
Anonymous, at 10:30 PM
lol Rita. You know by testing them. For example, if you're extremely afraid of mice (I do remember :), but you haven't seen one in years, there are none in your house or neighborhood, no one you know has died of a mice bite since the bubonic plague, no one hates you enough to put them through your mail slot, etc., you know your fear is not well founded. It's an unreasonable fear.
Other things are more difficult, of course, say a fear your husband is cheating. If there's no lipstick on the collar, no missing time, no missing money, no rumors or tales that can be proven, no earthly reason to suspect him, you should assume there is no reason to fear. If it turns out to be real, then you know it was a real fear but unless or until it does, you should not dwell on it. (you meaning whoever; hopefully Bruce is being a good boy).
By
Anonymous, at 12:25 PM
What about the fear of death? Is that an unreasonable fear? Or worrying about getting cancer or Alzhimers? How does one stop such fears?
Carmen
By
Anonymous, at 9:27 AM
We all must die and, unless we die young, we'll be afflicted by some end of life disease most likely, maybe even Alzhimers. These are normal fear unless one dwells on them such that they cannot function normally in everyday life.
Might I suggest a closer walk with the Lord, prayer and Bible study at the times these fears get a hold on you. I myself feared a lot of that when I found out I had Hodgkins. Nothing else worked for me, to ease my mind. I so did not want to leave my children, already motherless at the time, fatherless. God eased my pain, physical and mental, helped me get on with living in spite of radiation, chemo and weakness.... and fear.
By
Johnny, at 8:34 PM
That was a hard time for you, but you are still here and God is good. :)
Should it worry me that I am not afraid of things that other people are frightened of? I just don't seem to have the usual fears other people have.
By
Anonymous, at 5:09 AM
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