I do too have a sense of humor...

This post is for 15 year old Robert who reads my blog. He's in my Sunday School class. He thinks I'm way too serious on my blog and have no appreciable sense of humor.. his word appreciable.

A good preacher can always get God into the story somehow...

The story is told of the atheist who accosted a preacher. "Do you believe in eternal life?"

The preacher has no time to reply.

"Well its a load of rubbish!" shouted the Atheist. "I believe in science, evolution, survival of the fittest, and when we die, that's it! No eternal life, no great judgement, and no God!"

The Atheist continues his assault against the preacher repetitiously and tirelessly. "Eternal life! Eternal life! Ha! Its all pie in the sky when you die. When I die that's it, the end, no eternal life, no nothing". He continues, until he reaches his climax, "I will be buried six feet under when I die and that's it! Nothing! Caput! When I die I am utterly convinced that that will be the end of me!"

"Well thank God for that" replies the preacher!

***

Senator Joe Lieberman told this story... There was a preacher who was in the middle of an intense, rousing, heart-piercing sermon, when in the middle of the room a gentleman gets up and starts walking toward the back door. “Excuse me, sir,” said the preacher, “but why are you leaving?” “I need to get a haircut,” was the reply. “You need to get a haircut?” said the preacher. “Well why didn't you leave at the beginning of the sermon?” “I didn't need one then,” he said.

**

The Devil's Beatitudes

Blessed are those who are too tired, busy or disorganized to meet with fellow Christians on Sundays each week. They are my best workers.

Blessed are those who enjoy noticing the mannerisms of clergy (ministers, pastors, deacons) and the choir. Their hearts are not in it. (get it? :)

Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked. I can use them.

Blessed are the touchy. With a bit of luck they may even stop going to church. They are my missionaries.

Blessed are those who claim to know God at the same time as hating other people. They are mine forever.

Blessed are the troublemakers. They shall be called my children.

Blessed are those who have not time to pray. They are prey to me.

Blessed are you when you read this and think it is about other people and not about yourself. Gotcha!


No Excuse Sunday

To make it possible for everyone to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":

Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."

There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.

Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.

We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."

Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.

Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present. lol

Relatives and friends will be in attendance for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.

We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" buttons for those that feel the church is always asking for money.

One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature. lol There go the wiccans and don't knows.

Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.

The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.

**

God gave us noses, to keep us humble,
not to stick in the air, or poke into trouble;
Placed over the mouth to drip and run,
to remind us we're nothin, and He's #1!