Weeping through the night...
A lot of time in my work days is spent talking to people in deep despair. Maybe she just found out her husband is cheating or, worse, gay. Maybe he lost his job of 30 years and feels too old to start over. Maybe a young man is contemplating suicide or a young girl is miserable because she thinks she's too fat. The list goes on and on, and the pains are as real as can be. I cannot fix everything, maybe not anything for I believe God does the 'fixing,' but I can listen and, in many cases, I can be a friend or a helper. It is not easy to convince those who are in such pain that the sun will rise again for no matter how dark the clouds, it always has. No matter how heavy the rain, somewhere there will be a rainbow peeping through.
We all will have trials in our lives, some more than others. Some trials are 'inherited,' i.e., begin with parents who destroy many avenues of happiness through drug abuse or alcoholism or impulsivity or just plain laziness or meanness. Many a child starts out nine strikes behind, and that's nine strikes too many. Some trials are brought about by our own foolishness or laziness. You can't expect to have a retirement income if you never save a dime. You won't get an education if you fail to study or don't show up for class. Your kids won't respect you if you are more buddy than parent. I'm sure you get the picture. You don't get a gold watch for not showing up for work. Free loading begets poverty in old age.
I've had some moments of despair. When my first wife died, and the doctors ripped my son from her dying body, I went nearly crazy with grief and anger, anger at the doctors and anger at God and whoever else got in the way. Yet, today, when my son laughs or runs or plays piano or just acts goofy, I feel sure that Maria is looking down from heaven and nodding her head, joyous that our boy is so normal and happy. The same Maria who refused pain medication in her dying weeks because she feared it would harm the baby is the woman who gave me the son I love so much today. I thank her and God daily. In their wisdom, I have joy even though I was so ungracious at the time.
Now, we have a new baby coming. Carolyn will lay another baby in my arms and, God willing, it and she will be healthy and strong. I would have told you that New Year's day nearly seven years ago that I would never smile again. And, I wasn't lying for smiling was the last thing on my mind or in my heart. I was a new Christian then and had no idea of the healing power or just the sheer love that God has for us. It's not that he has replaced Maria. No one can replace Maria. It's that he let me smile again. He lets my son smile. He lets me be part of a family again, and I am a family man.
After despair comes another feeling, another day, another opportunity. If we let it, faith will prevail over all the heartaches and trials that darken our lives. I know it is so, for it happened to me.
"Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
We all will have trials in our lives, some more than others. Some trials are 'inherited,' i.e., begin with parents who destroy many avenues of happiness through drug abuse or alcoholism or impulsivity or just plain laziness or meanness. Many a child starts out nine strikes behind, and that's nine strikes too many. Some trials are brought about by our own foolishness or laziness. You can't expect to have a retirement income if you never save a dime. You won't get an education if you fail to study or don't show up for class. Your kids won't respect you if you are more buddy than parent. I'm sure you get the picture. You don't get a gold watch for not showing up for work. Free loading begets poverty in old age.
I've had some moments of despair. When my first wife died, and the doctors ripped my son from her dying body, I went nearly crazy with grief and anger, anger at the doctors and anger at God and whoever else got in the way. Yet, today, when my son laughs or runs or plays piano or just acts goofy, I feel sure that Maria is looking down from heaven and nodding her head, joyous that our boy is so normal and happy. The same Maria who refused pain medication in her dying weeks because she feared it would harm the baby is the woman who gave me the son I love so much today. I thank her and God daily. In their wisdom, I have joy even though I was so ungracious at the time.
Now, we have a new baby coming. Carolyn will lay another baby in my arms and, God willing, it and she will be healthy and strong. I would have told you that New Year's day nearly seven years ago that I would never smile again. And, I wasn't lying for smiling was the last thing on my mind or in my heart. I was a new Christian then and had no idea of the healing power or just the sheer love that God has for us. It's not that he has replaced Maria. No one can replace Maria. It's that he let me smile again. He lets my son smile. He lets me be part of a family again, and I am a family man.
After despair comes another feeling, another day, another opportunity. If we let it, faith will prevail over all the heartaches and trials that darken our lives. I know it is so, for it happened to me.
"Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
posted by Johnny at
2:44 PM
4 Comments:
hugs to both of you and kisses for good measure xxoo
By
bridgesitter, at 6:20 AM
Why do you say 'worse, he's gay?' Do you think that's the worst thing that can happen?
By
Anonymous, at 7:40 PM
For a woman to hear that the man she loved and married is gay is devastating. It's the ultimate, to the max., rejection of herself as a woman. It's cruel and so hurtful it's difficult to describe. And 99% of the men who do it, marry a woman, know they are gay when they do it, deceit from the get go.
My comment was not meant to mean being gay is the worst thing, but being gay and hiding it from your wife is pretty close to the worst thing I can think of.
By
Anonymous, at 5:07 PM
Thank you Iva (as he glances at self in the mirrow :)
Jeff, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling in your relationship with your father. If I can be of any help, my email address is at the bottom of the page.
Happy new year everyone!
By
Anonymous, at 9:32 PM
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