Expectations...
I'm up very early. It's 3:30 a.m. I woke up thinking of a young woman I will see at my 11 a.m. appointment. I have prayed for her several times and shall do so again. I have to decide what to say to her, what steps to take to unravel the mess her life has become, if I can.
This lady is 32 years old, and she has no expectations of life any more. She spent the last five years fighting 'Uncle Sam' for a disability benefit under the SSI program. She is technically disabled because of anxiety, basically. She is fearful of being around other people. Once, she became so upset, she told someone she was going to kill herself, and she ended up in the psych unit of her local hospital. Since then, she has been on one medication or the other, actually lots of others. She takes about seven kinds of psychotropic drugs. Drugs to sleep, drugs to wake up, drugs to calm, drugs to fight depression, etc.
Now, after a few years of this regimen, all she does is stay inside, watch television, eat and get online, going from blog to blog, reading about other peoples' lives while she really has none of her own. She has been so inactive physically, that she has developed early osteoarthritis and has gained about 60 lbs. Her joints stiffen up and hurt after sitting in a chair 12 to 16 hours a day, either in front of the TV or the computer. She gets up to eat or pee, that's about it. She has no social life to speak of, never goes shopping, never goes to church. She visits me now weekly; it was someone else before me, and she has to take, she says, two Xanax to get the 'courage' to come see me. I have no idea if she 'gets anything' out of her visits or even if she's alert enough to remember what we discuss. After her regular medications and two Xanax, I imagine she is feeling pretty mellow.
Why am I telling you all this? I'm telling you because I'm stumped. What do you say to someone with no expectations? Life is not supposed to be an easy ride with no bumps in the road. There are frightening events and situations and even frightening people, and we must deal with all that. Or do we? If we can take a pill or two to avoid it all, why not?
The why not is that nothing good will ever happen, not ever again. If you don't expect anything, you're rarely disappointed. We are not made that way. Our bodies and our minds are made to act, work, do, exercise, walk, run, think, ponder, solve, resolve. The old expression 'use it or lose it' is true. You were made to 'use it.' If we are not using it, we are losing the future, literally and figuratively.
But, once again, how do I say this to the young woman who is so satisfied with her little check each month, Oprah, Jeopardy and blogging? Pray for me.
This lady is 32 years old, and she has no expectations of life any more. She spent the last five years fighting 'Uncle Sam' for a disability benefit under the SSI program. She is technically disabled because of anxiety, basically. She is fearful of being around other people. Once, she became so upset, she told someone she was going to kill herself, and she ended up in the psych unit of her local hospital. Since then, she has been on one medication or the other, actually lots of others. She takes about seven kinds of psychotropic drugs. Drugs to sleep, drugs to wake up, drugs to calm, drugs to fight depression, etc.
Now, after a few years of this regimen, all she does is stay inside, watch television, eat and get online, going from blog to blog, reading about other peoples' lives while she really has none of her own. She has been so inactive physically, that she has developed early osteoarthritis and has gained about 60 lbs. Her joints stiffen up and hurt after sitting in a chair 12 to 16 hours a day, either in front of the TV or the computer. She gets up to eat or pee, that's about it. She has no social life to speak of, never goes shopping, never goes to church. She visits me now weekly; it was someone else before me, and she has to take, she says, two Xanax to get the 'courage' to come see me. I have no idea if she 'gets anything' out of her visits or even if she's alert enough to remember what we discuss. After her regular medications and two Xanax, I imagine she is feeling pretty mellow.
Why am I telling you all this? I'm telling you because I'm stumped. What do you say to someone with no expectations? Life is not supposed to be an easy ride with no bumps in the road. There are frightening events and situations and even frightening people, and we must deal with all that. Or do we? If we can take a pill or two to avoid it all, why not?
The why not is that nothing good will ever happen, not ever again. If you don't expect anything, you're rarely disappointed. We are not made that way. Our bodies and our minds are made to act, work, do, exercise, walk, run, think, ponder, solve, resolve. The old expression 'use it or lose it' is true. You were made to 'use it.' If we are not using it, we are losing the future, literally and figuratively.
But, once again, how do I say this to the young woman who is so satisfied with her little check each month, Oprah, Jeopardy and blogging? Pray for me.
posted by Johnny at
1:33 AM
2 Comments:
John I know that woman. She was me.
She needs to feel the spark of hope. To know that she is not alone. You know who I am and you are welcome to give her my email address. Though I might not be a perfect example of "healthy" I am functioning. While I was on xanax for five years and lots of other meds, I was still fully aware of day to day activites, the small battles and the bigger war that raged within myself.
You might be the reason she comes to you. You might be that little spark of hope, the reflection of something she knows still exists though she can't find it within herself yet.
I am sure you will help her to find what she needs. Or to at least lead her in the right direction. I am confident of that.
mq
By
Anonymous, at 6:36 AM
Oh, and John if you mention all those things she needs to do she will be easily overwhelmed and retreat even more. She probably needs to feel any small accomplishment right now, not mountains she needs to climb.
By
Anonymous, at 6:44 AM
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