Resentment Shack
In my practice, the most difficult personality 'trait' for me to deal with is resentment. Many of my patients live in what I call the 'resentment shack,' a shack, not a home. Resentment leaves no room for niceties.
Resentful people seem to require or expect a lot from others but expect little from themselves. They poison themselves but blame it on others. Someone famous once said that resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die, not realizing the poison within. A rattlesnake will become so angry that it will bite itself. That's what resentment does to people, turns on them, harming them more than the ones they resent.
How does resentment begin and take hold? Usually, it is harboring of animosity against a person or group who mistreated you. It could be unresolved anger over a negative event which occurred in your past life leading to lack of forgiveness and the inability to let go and forget. Pain in the past may have created a root of distrust and suspicion. One may feel he was unjustly victimized. Maybe he was and never could let go, never could forgive.
The fact is, many are hurt by others, one way or another, through life. There are people who crap and step over you, who ignore you or even abandon you, who don't listen to what you have to say, who undervalue you. But if you play the blame game, never get over it, never let go, never forgive, you end up the loser. First a victim, then a loser. Most victims don't become losers. They deal with it all.
Anger, resentment, anxiety, fear, depression – these feelings are signals that you are not in truth, that you are allowing your ego to have dominion over your soul. When you open your heart to learning the truth and learning what is loving to yourself and others, you will move out of the negative feelings and into the peace and joy that come from being in truth, even in the face of sadness and grief.
How does a Christian deal with resentment and what happens if it isn't dealt with? Is it different for nonChristians?
Resentful people seem to require or expect a lot from others but expect little from themselves. They poison themselves but blame it on others. Someone famous once said that resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die, not realizing the poison within. A rattlesnake will become so angry that it will bite itself. That's what resentment does to people, turns on them, harming them more than the ones they resent.
How does resentment begin and take hold? Usually, it is harboring of animosity against a person or group who mistreated you. It could be unresolved anger over a negative event which occurred in your past life leading to lack of forgiveness and the inability to let go and forget. Pain in the past may have created a root of distrust and suspicion. One may feel he was unjustly victimized. Maybe he was and never could let go, never could forgive.
The fact is, many are hurt by others, one way or another, through life. There are people who crap and step over you, who ignore you or even abandon you, who don't listen to what you have to say, who undervalue you. But if you play the blame game, never get over it, never let go, never forgive, you end up the loser. First a victim, then a loser. Most victims don't become losers. They deal with it all.
Anger, resentment, anxiety, fear, depression – these feelings are signals that you are not in truth, that you are allowing your ego to have dominion over your soul. When you open your heart to learning the truth and learning what is loving to yourself and others, you will move out of the negative feelings and into the peace and joy that come from being in truth, even in the face of sadness and grief.
How does a Christian deal with resentment and what happens if it isn't dealt with? Is it different for nonChristians?
posted by Johnny at
10:50 PM
3 Comments:
The process is probably the same for both, but prayer could be added for the spiritual. First, one needs to identify the problem. Some resentful people may not know that is the problem. Then, small steps, seeking forgiveness of those who did the wrongs. I doubt resentment ever leaves the unforgiving heart.
By
Anonymous, at 10:09 AM
This sounds juvenile I guess, but I keep a journal. When I get on a pity party or am angry at someone, I write down everything they did that was awful. :) I work at it until it doesn't hurt anymore. It's one step I guess.
Rita
By
Anonymous, at 6:56 PM
A journal is a great way to deal with inner thoughts and anger. Good for you, Rita.
Resentment whithers the soul and torments the angry one. It seems to me sometimes, the biggest offenders, sinners if you will, resent others the most. They never forgive themselves because they can't forgive others. The Lord tells us to forgive so that we ourselves may be forgiven .. give and take so to speak.
On a personal leve, they just tire me out. They never grow tired of excuses for why they are like they are and nothing seems to make a dent in their self pity coat, and it wears me out. I want to say 'deal with it and get on with life,' but many don't want to deal with it. A life time of the blame game has sucked them in, and they can't get out of the whirlwind of it.
Sermon over... :)
By
Charles, at 9:26 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home