Mea Culpa
An old friend from seminary has asked for counsel and prayer. As my Melina would say, 'he did a bad thing.' He cheated on his wife, committed adultery with a deacon's wife, broke up their marriage, and now he has remarried .. to the deacon's wife. There are children from both marriages, hurt children. Where to begin?
..For some reason, I am reminded of David and Bathsheba. For those not that familiar with the bible story, David was lurking around the castle one day (he should have been in battle with his men). He glanced down and saw a woman bathing naked on a roof top (not her fault ... from all indications, she was in her own quarters). David sends for her (she could not refuse; he was king) and lies with her. Having no RU-486 in those days, she got pregnant and sent word to David. Uh oh... He, as men will often do, tried to cover it up. When Bathsheba's husband returned from battle (the battle David didn't go to), David told him to go home and rest with his wife, hoping the husband would lie with his wife and would then think the child to be born was his. The man did not do so but rather, like the good soldier and faithful servant to the king that he was, stuck around the camp to be sure things went well after the battle. The cover-up having failed, David had the man killed (long, convoluted story) and then took Bathsheba as his own wife (after the appropriate mourning time). David figured he was safe. No one who had a clue as to what really went down would dare say anything anyway.
He did not account for one thing. God knew, and God was not happy. Things did not go well. The child died. Rumors swirled. David's sin eventually became known. David was doomed, or was he?
When confronted with his sin, David said "I have sinned against the LORD." (2 Samuel 12:13a). This was an important defining moment in David’s life. He confessed his sin, and was prepared to accept his punishment of death. He didn't make excuses, didn't blame Bathsheba, pressures, stress of war, etc. Instead, he confessed and repented. God showed His grace by forgiving David, and allowing him to live. For the rest of his days, when David opened his eyes in the morning, he knew that he was alive for one reason and one reason only: the sheer grace of God.
What I have to impart to my friend, somehow, is that he must confess and repent. He has tried covering up, lying, etc., just as David did. Genuine repentance brings forgiveness, restoration and healing, and the end result of that cycle is action. David committed himself to serving God with his restored life, and leading other needy people to Him. It is not the "sacrifice" of labor that produces favor with God; it is favor with God, through honest repentance, that produces a willing servant.
It IS possible to get a fresh start, no matter how grevious the sin. I do believe that it is God’s agenda not to crush sinners under his feet, but to heal them and restore their relationship with Him. Perhaps, then, the children and other grieved parties may too be healed.
..For some reason, I am reminded of David and Bathsheba. For those not that familiar with the bible story, David was lurking around the castle one day (he should have been in battle with his men). He glanced down and saw a woman bathing naked on a roof top (not her fault ... from all indications, she was in her own quarters). David sends for her (she could not refuse; he was king) and lies with her. Having no RU-486 in those days, she got pregnant and sent word to David. Uh oh... He, as men will often do, tried to cover it up. When Bathsheba's husband returned from battle (the battle David didn't go to), David told him to go home and rest with his wife, hoping the husband would lie with his wife and would then think the child to be born was his. The man did not do so but rather, like the good soldier and faithful servant to the king that he was, stuck around the camp to be sure things went well after the battle. The cover-up having failed, David had the man killed (long, convoluted story) and then took Bathsheba as his own wife (after the appropriate mourning time). David figured he was safe. No one who had a clue as to what really went down would dare say anything anyway.He did not account for one thing. God knew, and God was not happy. Things did not go well. The child died. Rumors swirled. David's sin eventually became known. David was doomed, or was he?
When confronted with his sin, David said "I have sinned against the LORD." (2 Samuel 12:13a). This was an important defining moment in David’s life. He confessed his sin, and was prepared to accept his punishment of death. He didn't make excuses, didn't blame Bathsheba, pressures, stress of war, etc. Instead, he confessed and repented. God showed His grace by forgiving David, and allowing him to live. For the rest of his days, when David opened his eyes in the morning, he knew that he was alive for one reason and one reason only: the sheer grace of God.
What I have to impart to my friend, somehow, is that he must confess and repent. He has tried covering up, lying, etc., just as David did. Genuine repentance brings forgiveness, restoration and healing, and the end result of that cycle is action. David committed himself to serving God with his restored life, and leading other needy people to Him. It is not the "sacrifice" of labor that produces favor with God; it is favor with God, through honest repentance, that produces a willing servant.
It IS possible to get a fresh start, no matter how grevious the sin. I do believe that it is God’s agenda not to crush sinners under his feet, but to heal them and restore their relationship with Him. Perhaps, then, the children and other grieved parties may too be healed.
posted by Johnny at
4:20 PM
18 Comments:
God forgave, but what of Bathsheba and more importantly, her murdered husband? It is good that David repented to God and was forgiven by Him for his sin, but God was not the only one wronged in this story or in the case of your friend. I believe you will all find that it takes longer for the injured spouses to forgive, and quite possibly the children as well, and that has to be accepted too.
By
Aravis, at 10:02 PM
That God forgave David does not mean that there were not consequences to pay, by him and those he wronged. We always have consequences. The bible suggests that Bathsheba forgave him and was his faithful wife but Uriah, her husband, was dead, and she mourned for him. Also, God works in everyone's life if allowed to, so it is possible that he gave comfort to Uriah as he died or kept the knowledge of what really happened away from him. My friend's wife also committed adultery; I am not sure which of them did it first at this point. There's no doubt there is much suffering, especially by the innocent children, and I pray they find help and comfort from God and family and friends. The point in my story, I guess, is that God will forgive and 'take us back,' not excusing the crime but grateful that one may be forgiven and still be useful in the kingdom. There are, however, many lessons that may be taken from the story.
John
By
Anonymous, at 7:22 AM
Bathsheba may have been faithful, but was she happy? No. And while your friend's wife may have been unfaithful, what of his lover's husband? Wasn't he hurt by all of this?
I guess what I am trying to say is that while God takes us back, there are still repercussions here on earth that need to be dealt with. To say that "God has forgiven me so why can't you?" is pretty arrogant. That may not be what you're saying here, however it is an argument I have often heard over the years and so am bringing it up now as it seems to tie in.
I beieve in forgiveness. But I also believe in consequences, accepting responsibility for one's own actions without seeking to blame another, and making amends in order to attain it. If all of that has been done in full sincerity, and one is not forgiven, then one may move forward freely knowing that one has done all that could be done and that perhaps one day forgiveness (here on earth) may come. However these are not steps that one may skip over.
By
Aravis, at 11:32 AM
<::Bathsheba may have been faithful, but was she happy? No.::
The bible doesn't say she was unhappy. There is nothing else to go on.
::And while your friend's wife may have been unfaithful, what of his lover's husband? Wasn't he hurt by all of this?::
He was, no doubt. He, however, has already remarried. I don't know much about him. I never said others were not hurt.
::I guess what I am trying to say is that while God takes us back, there are still repercussions here on earth that need to be dealt with. To say that "God has forgiven me so why can't you?" is pretty arrogant. That may not be what you're saying here, however it is an argument I have often heard over the years and so am bringing it up now as it seems to tie in.::
I didn't say that, nor did David. David was not arrogant and was fully aware he was not deserving of mercy.
::I beieve in forgiveness. But I also believe in consequences, accepting responsibility for one's own actions without seeking to blame another::
So do I.
:: perhaps one day forgiveness (here on earth) may come::
I wasn't preaching about 'earthly' forgiveness. :) And David wasn't just any man. To him who receives much, much is expected. He should have died for his sins but God was gracious unto him.
You have a good heart to worry about the others involved.
John
By
Johnny, at 11:57 AM
In saying that she mourned for her dead husband, it says that she was not happy. I think I'll refrain from commenting further on bible entries, however, as I am not religious. I am not an atheist; I simply don't agree with organized religion for myself.
You misunderstood my meaning when I brought up the arrogance behind "God forgave me..." I know that you didn't say that. I said that it is an argument often used by those who would be righteous without asking forgiveness or making amends. They conveniently divine God's will or opinion on a matter which absolves them from guilt or blame, and having decided that God forgives them, expect everyone else to do the same. I once knew a man who drank until he couldn't stand up, and then would get in his car and drive. He claimed that Jesus was his co-pilot so he could do whatever he wanted. If he got into an accident, he said that God would forgive. The mass loss of life he could have caused didn't matter. When he tried this around my friends and I, we took his keys. Not everyone else did though.
People like this quite honestly make my blood boil.
That is not to say that is what is going on here with your friend. It isn't. This topic simply made me think of it, and I brought it up myself. What are your thoughts on people who would use their religion in this manner?
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Aravis, at 4:29 PM
I mourned deeply for my first wife who died at age 26. But I lived again and fell in love and remarried. The 'mourning' mentioned for Bathsheba may have been that kind of mourning or just an 'official' time of mourning per verse 2Sa 11:27 "And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife." The bible story didn't cover everything. Further in the story, it is clear that David and Bathsheba loved each other, had another child, etc. But if you're not into organized religion, you probably don't enjoy the bible stories as much as I do. :)
You ask many interesting questions, too much to deal with on the comments on the blog. If you don't mind, I shall email you. I'm also interested in the 'June Cleaver' comment. :)
As for the man who thought Jesus was his co-pilot, he may really have thought that. Some people think Jesus protects them, no matter what. Whether he 'used' his religion, I just don't know. On the whole, if a person doesn't live the Christian life, I don't put much stock into what they say about Jesus or anything else until they get their heads together.
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Johnny, at 6:00 PM
David knew very well he had done wrong. As for Bathsheba, who wouldn't love the King?
David did wrong and he knew it, he chose in his position to abuse his power, oh and all for a moment of testosteron(al) weakness. The poor woman had no other options, no say whether her husband lived or died, and there was no saying no to the King in those days.
God gave David more than anyone else. David then took from the man who was loyal and had so little.
Yes there are many lessons in this story.
By
Anonymous, at 7:00 PM
I'm sorry John, but I cannot reconcile myself to the idea that Bathsheba would be happy with a man who took her against her will, and then killed her husband. She may have to be with him, but that doesn't mean she would enjoy it. But then you're right, the bible stories hold little charm for me, especially the Old Testament.
Please feel free to email me. Charles has been given permission to give you my email, or you can find it on my blog. I'll look forward to hearing from you. :0)
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Aravis, at 9:24 PM
Anon said: David knew very well he had done wrong. As for Bathsheba, who wouldn't love the King?
Ah! The old 'who wouldn't love the king' defense which is not saying much for the woman either. She loses either way, eh? Of course, he knew he had done wrong.
But... I must let this story go since neither of you (assuming Anon. is not aravis) believe the bible. It becomes a waste of time for the bible says the 'only' thing David did wrong was kill Uriah, and he was forgiven. That means he didn't force or hate his wife, yada, yada and that's what I believe. As my wife loves to say 'end of story.' :)
By
Johnny, at 10:15 PM
I always assumed Bathsheba loved David. Who wouldn't love David? Have you seen that statue? :) Honestly, I don't think there is anything that indicates one way or the other whether Bathsheba loved David or whether she loved her husband, because honestly, the stories just not about her. She's a minor player. She lost a husband and a son to David's sin, but God will deal with her as he deals with her.
My boys and I have been reading a an abridged version of The Iliad and the Odyssey. I have been wondering about Helen - who also was stolen from a Husband by a handsome prince. We don't get *her* story. She seems to love Paris - if she doesn't, she's a great faker. But when Menelaus takes her home, it appears she lives in harmony with him. I would love to talk to Helen and get her story - how did she bear it all? Perhaps I should break out the unabridged version:) I would love to talk to Bathsheba and hear her story. To the authors, the desires and thoughts and feelings of women just weren't at the center of the story, but as a woman I can't help but wonder.
In any case, David's repentance was so heartbreakingly real that it's painful to read. I think he felt it to his toes.
Love Dana
By
Anonymous, at 5:09 AM
Dana, It is true that stories were not written with the woman as the 'main' character, however Bathsheba was not a bit or minor player. As Matt. 1:6 points out: and Jesse the father of King David.
And David was the father of Solomon by the wife of Uriah. A woman with a shady past who was linked with adultery and murder through David is part of our Lord's heritage/geneology. And, after all these years, we are talking about her. Few women have that distinction. :) Also, I think II Saul 2:24 indicated David did love her. She was able to get the throne for their son and was obviously politically important at the end of David's reigh.
As for David being loved, did you see the 1951 David & Bathsheba movie with Peck and Hayward? A beautiful movie worth renting just for the lavish scenery.
David's repentance was indeed heartfelt.
Thanks for visiting. :)
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Johnny, at 7:47 AM
I didn't mean that she was an insignificant person or not influential in the history of her people. I just meant that the author chose not to discuss the situation from her point of view - maybe for a reason, maybe because it just didn't occur to him. As written, it's not really "her" story, though surely she had a very interesting story both before and after she met and married David. Love Dana
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Anonymous, at 6:04 PM
I stand corrected. :)
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Johnny, at 2:43 AM
Dana,
Have you read of the story of Constantine and his second wife, Fausta? He executed her in her bath in about a.d.326, smothered her in extremely hot bath water. He felt so guilty about it that he sought forgiveness and baptism later in his life. Why did he do that? It is believed she told a lie that his step son by his first marriage tried to seduce her. Women never play a minor role. :)
With affection, as always...
John
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Johnny, at 4:40 PM
He also killed the son, so he must have believed that "lie" - at least at first:) Anyway, you are right. In real life, women often play starring roles. I guess we all star in our own eyes.
How much did Constantine forgive himself, though?
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Anonymous, at 4:27 AM
I don't know how much Constantine forgave himself. We who repent and accept lordship are supposed to 'let go and let God,' but all of us seem to hold on to some of the past. Constantine, next to David and Jonathan, is someone I never can get enough of historically, a most interesting man. Did you know he had 3 sons and 2 daughters all named with some version of Constantine (constantine, constantius, etc.)? Is that vain or what? lol
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Johnny, at 4:33 AM
Yes, he killed his son, Crispus, as well as his wife over the scandal. Apparently, he learned the truth from his mother afterwards. One should consult mother first every time. :)
By
Johnny, at 4:34 AM
Maybe good girls, like good guys, finish last. If Bathsheba had bathed in private, who would remember her today? lol
By
Anonymous, at 4:02 PM
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